Cliche of the Titans

December 18, 2013 at 9:45 am | Posted in copywriting, Uncategorized | 6 Comments
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A fight to the death.

A fight to the death.

One of my clients makes high-end breakfast products.

So when she wrote on her labels that breakfast was:

the most important meal of the day,

she knew it.

And meant it.

But this didn’t stop me challenging her.

You see, every person and their pet know and use this time-worn truism.

So I suggested we change it to:

the day’s most vital meal.

My client then had the temerity to suggest she preferred important to vital!

And so I mounted my defence:

  1. Vital is shorter than important.
  2. Vital packs more punch.
  3. By ditching most important meal of the day for day’s most vital meal,  we kill the cliché and own the concept.
  4. This switches the passive voice to active.
  5. It also gives superior cadence.
  6. Finally, vital stems from the Latin word for life/living (which is much in sync with a food brand).

So, do you still want important?!

My client replied:

‘You win a million times on this one. Thank you!’

Gracious, intelligent, enlightened and humble clients like this keep me copywriting.

And make me strain every nerve to advance their prosperity.

🙂

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.

What is the ‘passive voice’?

April 24, 2010 at 9:57 am | Posted in copywriting | 5 Comments
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If it’s hard to read, they won’t.

Many documents I edit are written in the ‘passive voice’.

The passive voice is very bad news for communications, as it demands a greater number of longer words that are harder to read.

Recently a client asked what the passive voice actually means.

Here’s my light-hearted response:

Dear Fred,

This response has been cast, by me, in the passive voice, for the amusement of you.

Your words that are kind have made me experience a feeling of gratitude.

It is a matter of pleasure to me that the suggestions made by me were found by you to be of some benefit.

Unfortunately, the PDF which was attached by you to your email was not received by me, but hope is held by me that it will be sent by you to me. Eventually.

The final PDF is something that perhaps ought to be beheld by me, if not for the purpose of proofing, then at least for the purpose of placement by me in the archives belonging to the company of which I am Founder.

I am hopeful that this response will be found to be helpful.

By you.

Well, that’s all from me.

Best regards,

P.

Get my drift?

If you don’t, we may need to get passive aggressive!

🙂

Brought to you by The Feisty Empire.


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